Is it wrong to WANT to be thankful for something that I do not have yet? I graduated from HS in 1996. I spent 2 years at a JC in my hometown. I then transferred to TWU, my alma mater. It took me until 2004 to graduate. Not because I couldn't "hack it" at a "real" school, simply because I had NO idea what I wanted to do. So I changed my major. Again, and again, and again. (Repeat 2 more times.) Finally, I graduated with a BA in English. Which is great and all, but no one really cares about a BA in English, unless they need a paper written. In which case, I'm in great demand.
I worked for a couple of years after I graduated as a waitress. By choice, because we were traveling. I don't regret it. I finally got a "real" job. Which, to be honest, I hated. Turns out that the only job I could get in DFW was in a call center. NOT my thing.
In Tulsa, I can't even get that. So I applied to the alternative certification teacher program. After I changed my major to English, everyone asked me if I wanted to teach. The answer? No, emphatically, no, every time. If I wanted to teach, I would have majored in education. So I got approved to the program, and here we are. The first of several tests (Oklahoma is not as desperate for teachers as TX was) is in January, and I'm not even sure that I'm that interested in taking the test.
I want a job. That much I know is true. I love my daughter. And I want another child. I like making dinner. But to be honest, I would give up making dinner to have a job. Mostly at this point because I don't know anyone here. But also because I'm not sure that "stay at home mom" is the job that is meant for me.
Someone mentioned nursing to me the other day. And I was intrigued. *Small* detail....my grades, not so great....I might be able to get into an LVN program. Maybe. And then move on to an RN program. But still, I'm not sure......
So. Is it wrong to pray and pray and pray and hope for God to FINALLY let me know what I am called to do???? And be thankful for it before it even happens???? (And will all of you, all 7 of you who read this, please pray that I can hear it when He lets me know????)
By the way, I AM thankful for the things that I have, such as a beautiful daughter, a wonderful husband, an amazing family, and terrific friends. I'm just struggling with this particular issue....