In honor of my nephew Ben, who will be born sometime this week, I have some tips for new mommies. I do not claim to be an expert, I'm only 20 months into this mommy thing. I do think that I have learned some things, though.
1. Dogs are just that. Dogs. They might be people now, but as soon as that little bundle of joy comes into your life, they become what they are. Dogs.
2. Disgust for poop is a learned behavior. As the parent of a toddler who plays in her poop, eats her poop, and smears her poop all over her bed, I know this to be true. Somehow you don't come out of the womb knowing that poop is gross. Take heart though-poop art doesn't happen to everyone.
3. On that note, it is a good idea to get crib sheets that are white. Clorox is your friend.
4. You don't know the meaning of high maintenance. Your child will teach you, though.
5. Potatoes are not the perfect food. My child will only eat them french fried. What kind of kid doesn't like mashed potatoes?
6. Being a stay at home mommy is hard. Much harder than I ever thought. And exhausting.
7. Sometimes when your child injures him/herself, you will laugh. And cry because it is so awful that you're laughing. (I don't mean big injuries, of course, just little ones like when they're throwing a fit and hit their head on the bed.)
8. Sidewalk chalk will not stain clothes. Those "washable" bathtub markers, however, will stain skin.
9. Petsmart. It's a free zoo.
10. I'd like to say something mushy and insightful for number 10, but my kid just woke up.
Good luck to the new mommies, and if I can figure out how to do it, I'll post pics of Ben when he gets here. (Friday at the latest for those who are wondering.)